Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Long Distance: 8 weeks down.

Hey gang, so today i've gone 8 weeks now since the last time I saw my girlfriend. as many of you know, i've moved out to japan to teach english for a year, and the job has been going great. These first 2 months or so have been good for the most part, but I am worried that I am starting to see potential issues rise up now so I need some massive help and advice before these get too intense.

I video chat with my girlfriend on skype 2 times a day usually, when i wake up at 6:30 am (so it's 5:30 pm the previous day in boston), and at 7:00 pm here (6:00 am in the morning there). I find that when I go a day without talking it gets really difficult and I miss her like crazy. In japan, we have been on a 5 day national holiday, and i went away to visit a friend i had not seen in 14 months. He was a 3 hour train ride away, and we had a blast...but while I was planning to stay 2 nights i got so sad about missing my SO that i cut the visit a little short and left in the afternoon of the second day there so I wouldn't go another night without hearing her voice.

so, i can feel that I am being needy...and that scares me. she is also getting much busier in grad school, and i can see her being more tired and stressed out, as now she is in her 5th week of classes. so i'm trying to take her schedule into account, but i am getting the feeling that she will become too busy for me. While I don't want to detract from her studies or her sleep, I know I get sad when I can not talk with her. This time difference is so difficult, and this distance is so vast, that it really is quite the hurdle.

Trying to stay positive, as I believe being positive is the best course of action I can take, I know that we've already gotten through 8 weeks, and I know that in 85 days now I will see her again (in which we already have our tickets and everything purchased and ready).

However, she brought up last night that for her M.A. program she wants to take an intensive language lab from june 25- august 13th in which she would not have access to the internet for that entire time. when she told me about the idea, it honestly scared me because i know right now going just a day is hard for me. I told her, and i sincerely ment it, that i support her 100% in what she does and that this would be a great opportunity and really help her when she applies for her ph.d. In many ways, it is similar to the short term/ long term question we had when i came out here to japan. crap in the short term, but will help our future together in the long term.

but, when she brought it up, she could tell something was wrong. i tried explaining to her that i 110% understand and support her, but being honest it scares me and it will be tough. hopefully by then, i will be stronger and the distance will nearly be done. i talked with her a bit just now, and i made sure to bring up all of these issues...as i think we need to be honest with one another. i asked if she thought i was becoming clingy, and she paused and said that she feels there are times when i can be, but it hasn't gotten to a point where it has bothered her. i wish i could have shown her more support for her idea, she said she was upset that when she told me about it i wasn't enthusiastic, but i guess right now it just feels so hard.

when i have work, i feel fulfilled and busy, but when i have free time i don't know what to do. i have met other foreigners here, but they all seem to want to spend money on going out and drinking, and i am trying to save up for life next year with my girlfriend. i just feel so alone right now, and being seperated from my girlfriend, my family, and my friends back home is taking its toll on me. Any advice on what to do? is this a normal phase? will i get stronger? how can i show her that i support her in everything she does, just as she has always shown her support for me? any advice would be great, i really don't want this relationship to be hurt by the distance. the thought of messing this up just tears me up inside, so i really need some help. thanks!



Colby said...

:( It sounds like you're homesick...

Check this website out. http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/index.html

I met this lady through a forum about website creation and she's really nice. She lives 250 miles away from her bf and they see each other every 1-2 months.

Just remember that an ocean can't break love! Hope it helps! I'll keep you in my prayers. :o)


Rodger said...

thanks colby! actually haha, i have visited that site and i am familiar with it!

but yeah, that is a great site with lots of great advice, so thanks for the kind words and posting that. I am trying to keep busy today on my last day off before work starts back up tomorrow...

Just need to keep reminding myself that good times are on the way and I've got plenty of time to take care of everything for next year!

Anonymous said...

Hey Rodg,
I have been watching you for a LONG time on youtube (since you were in Japan last time, and I even had the pleasure of you responding to one of my emails while you were over there). I know it can be hard, really hard, but just try to be patient, and always look for that silver lining. I would also recommend just sending an email, or a real live letter, they are always a lot of fun, every once in a while. You are a very smart guy and I'm sure everything will work out for ya... and keep rocking those videos... you could even make one and email it to her, and have her do the same... that way you can always see and hear her... just a thought...
Stay tough,

Rodger said...

hey david, thanks for the great comment! haha, i actually mail her a letter in the mail every monday... and i am planning a special DVD edition of Iwate Swan with director's commentary and bonus materials haha. But yeah, things are much better now and both of us are feeling stronger about the relationship. We just needed to talk about a few things and be honest :)

thanks again for the response!

Loaf said...

I think in situations like this, it really does take a strong mind to get through the separation process with long distance relationships.

I'm not in the same circumstance as you, but I go at least two weeks (Can sometimes last a month) without seeing my boyfriend and it can be very hard at times, especially when compared to seeing him almost everyday while we were at University. Simple things like, well, just being in their presence and having random rambles about nothing in particular is something you miss when being apart ^_^ I don't think many people can understand this, unless you are in the same situation.

Inbetween seeing each other, we speak through MSN (I realise you already use Skype?), using webcam at times. We also play World of Warcraft, as silly as it seems, working together and solving quests through games is almost like hanging out with him, hehe! If you're not into WoW, there are plenty of MMORPGs out there to try :) I'm not one for talking on the phone, but I think just hearing a loved ones voice really does help.

If I can't get online to speak with him, I keep myself with creative projects, it's surprising how many hours can pass with drawing and painting! As I don't drink, it is hard when so many people you know go out clubbing and drinking, whereas I would rather stay in watching a good movie or reading comics. I say, it's better to hang out and save money on more important things.

It is upsetting when you do hear news, or realise you won't be seeing your bf/gf for a long period, especially without means of communication. I try not to think too far ahead (As hard as that is!), as that'll add to worry. Focus on the times you will be seeing them, even if it's for a few moments on Skype :)

I notice I've rambled a bit, but I hope what I've typed helps!

Keep up the great vlogs dude, loved your recent review, I'm going through the 'Densha Otoko' series and it's enchanting ^_^

Emily said...

Hi Rodger! I know this is an older post but felt like responding. It's LittlePinky82 from Youtube. :) I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. :( I just wanted to offer you hope though! I have a good friend from since elementary school and she went through the same thing. We lived in the south and her s.o. lived in the north. Their whole relationship was long distance. Not as long as yours but still long. Now guess what? They're married! My friend moved up north with him and she's doing grad school up there now. I haven't talked to her in a while (super busy with college) but whenever I do things seem to be going well. So their whole relationship until their marriage was long distance. So if it can work for my friend and her now hubby it can work for you guys!

I think it's so important to have that honesty and openness of your feelings. Don't be afraid to say how you feel even if you're afraid of the out come. I know for me with relationships, whether friendships or other wise, I would rather people be honest instead of lying to me. How can you fix or understand something if you're not honest? So totally important there. Are either of you on Facebook? That's another great way to keep in touch with people. Since I joined Facebook I've made so many great reconnections with people and you can have your profile as public or private as you like. I really like that. :)