Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Long Distance: 8 weeks down.
Hey gang, so today i've gone 8 weeks now since the last time I saw my girlfriend. as many of you know, i've moved out to japan to teach english for a year, and the job has been going great. These first 2 months or so have been good for the most part, but I am worried that I am starting to see potential issues rise up now so I need some massive help and advice before these get too intense.
I video chat with my girlfriend on skype 2 times a day usually, when i wake up at 6:30 am (so it's 5:30 pm the previous day in boston), and at 7:00 pm here (6:00 am in the morning there). I find that when I go a day without talking it gets really difficult and I miss her like crazy. In japan, we have been on a 5 day national holiday, and i went away to visit a friend i had not seen in 14 months. He was a 3 hour train ride away, and we had a blast...but while I was planning to stay 2 nights i got so sad about missing my SO that i cut the visit a little short and left in the afternoon of the second day there so I wouldn't go another night without hearing her voice.
so, i can feel that I am being needy...and that scares me. she is also getting much busier in grad school, and i can see her being more tired and stressed out, as now she is in her 5th week of classes. so i'm trying to take her schedule into account, but i am getting the feeling that she will become too busy for me. While I don't want to detract from her studies or her sleep, I know I get sad when I can not talk with her. This time difference is so difficult, and this distance is so vast, that it really is quite the hurdle.
Trying to stay positive, as I believe being positive is the best course of action I can take, I know that we've already gotten through 8 weeks, and I know that in 85 days now I will see her again (in which we already have our tickets and everything purchased and ready).
However, she brought up last night that for her M.A. program she wants to take an intensive language lab from june 25- august 13th in which she would not have access to the internet for that entire time. when she told me about the idea, it honestly scared me because i know right now going just a day is hard for me. I told her, and i sincerely ment it, that i support her 100% in what she does and that this would be a great opportunity and really help her when she applies for her ph.d. In many ways, it is similar to the short term/ long term question we had when i came out here to japan. crap in the short term, but will help our future together in the long term.
but, when she brought it up, she could tell something was wrong. i tried explaining to her that i 110% understand and support her, but being honest it scares me and it will be tough. hopefully by then, i will be stronger and the distance will nearly be done. i talked with her a bit just now, and i made sure to bring up all of these issues...as i think we need to be honest with one another. i asked if she thought i was becoming clingy, and she paused and said that she feels there are times when i can be, but it hasn't gotten to a point where it has bothered her. i wish i could have shown her more support for her idea, she said she was upset that when she told me about it i wasn't enthusiastic, but i guess right now it just feels so hard.
when i have work, i feel fulfilled and busy, but when i have free time i don't know what to do. i have met other foreigners here, but they all seem to want to spend money on going out and drinking, and i am trying to save up for life next year with my girlfriend. i just feel so alone right now, and being seperated from my girlfriend, my family, and my friends back home is taking its toll on me. Any advice on what to do? is this a normal phase? will i get stronger? how can i show her that i support her in everything she does, just as she has always shown her support for me? any advice would be great, i really don't want this relationship to be hurt by the distance. the thought of messing this up just tears me up inside, so i really need some help. thanks!